How I know Liz

I met my friend Liz when we were both “expat wives” in Penang, Malaysia, and our daughters were little. We bonded during one of the many goodbye dinner parties, when we realized we had the same kind of humor. We spent countless hours drinking cappuccinos, hanging out by the pool with our kids, and going on family vacations together. After I moved to California with my family, we kept in touch. Liz and her family moved back to the Netherlands, and we visited them whenever we were there. Liz came and visited me twice before falling in love with California. They moved here in 2016, allowing us to continue hanging out together regularly. One of our favorite activities together is hiking in Quicksilver Park. Our best ideas come while walking and talking. I am super excited to present Liz as my first interviewee for “The 50s project”, a project in which I interview 50 women who are 50 or older, who completely changed their work life in ‘middle age’.

Liz’s teens and twenties: pressure to get a Master’s degree

Liz was born and raised in Veldhoven, the Netherlands. She is the youngest of 5 children, her siblings being 15, 14, 12 and 6 years older than her. After high school, Liz wanted to go to a teachers vocational school. Her dad however wanted her to go to college to get a Master’s degree. He had always wanted to get one himself but failed to do so because of the Second World War. Her four older siblings didn’t get one either so Liz was the last straw. She went to Utrecht, the Netherlands to study French with a focus on international relations, which she really enjoyed. She earned her Master’s degree and even considered going for her PhD, but couldn’t find a placement. It was 1994, a bad time to find a job. However with a lot of effort Liz landed a job with the Dutch immigration office. She very much enjoyed working there. It wasn’t much about French or international relations but Liz discovered she loved working with people.

Liz as teacher, stay-at-home mom, volunteer, expat wife, student, caregiver

When their first child was 18 months, Liz and her husband moved to Eindhoven. She quit her job at the immigration office and had a short stint as a French teacher at a high school. After her sister-in-law passed away too young and she gave birth to her second daughter, Liz suffered from a postnatal depression. All of this added up to her deciding to become a stay-at-home mom, which she doesn’t regret! She did volunteer work at school, they moved to Penang and back to the Netherlands, she went back to school to get a degree in counseling, she volunteered at a hotline for people with psychological problems (including a suicide hotline). The last gig was frustrating because people would call one time and Liz wouldn’t know what happened after. Or people called every night but she couldn’t really treat them.

So she ended up “being there” for her kids, her husband, her family – organizing fun things, moving, being the stable factor for everyone in hard times. (her father-in-law passed away; her parents started declining so she took on a lot of care for them).

Liz approaching 50

In 2016 Liz and her family moved to California. Liz had never wanted to live in America but when she came to visit me the year prior, she saw how beautiful it was here and thought it would be fun to live closer to me.

Since she no longer was caring for her elderly parents and her kids were in middle and high school, Liz had more time to do something for herself. She just had no idea what she wanted to do. She was lonely and needed to be part of a group. In 2017-2018 she worked for Trumpet, a company that provides services for children with special needs. She loved the work she did but there was no room for growth and she didn’t necessarily like the organization. 

After she quit, I suggested she’d try California Community Opportunities (CCO), an amazing organization which supports adults with developmental disabilities in leading safe, successful, enriching lives in their local communities and in their own homes. Part of the organization is “CommUniversity”, a day program for the adults it serves. Liz had met some of the staff before so she liked the idea, except she was scared of people with disabilities. My stories made her skeptic about the sort of work she’d have to do to be part of the group at CCO, but she decided to try volunteering to see what it was like.

Liz as special needs teacher

What Liz didn’t expect: she completely turned around and now loves the adults with disabilities she works with! She thinks they’re super sweet and awesome, and she wants everybody to realize they are perfectly human. They have their issues (as we all do), and their issues may be bigger or different than ours. However even the people who can only communicate through behavior have their own unique character, and they’re incredibly happy and thankful when they realize you notice them. That’s what CCO is all about. 

When Liz started, she was instructed to especially teach the things she likes herself, since that usually brings out the best in you. She started with a class about different countries and cultures, she took students to county parks to hike and teach about wildlife, trees, etc., she did a cooking class, art classes. Recently she was asked to develop a lesson about the protests around the death of George Floyd. She loves that at CCO they don’t treat their individuals as little kids but as the adults they are. They watch TV and see what’s going on in the world (COVID). They just need some help putting it all in perspective. Working at CCO has changed her expectations of all people, including her own children. She feels that “all subjects are for everyone”, you just need to think about the way in which you deliver the content. Don’t always teach at the lowest level, keep challenging people!

Liz is very thankful that at 50 she found a job which allows her to further develop herself while getting paid. In the Netherlands, where she lived until 2016 (and probably in a lot of other places in the world), it is hard to find a gig like that for anyone over 40.

What Liz wishes she would have known earlier

Right now, Liz is a special needs teacher for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. She realizes she LOVES teaching, and wishes she had known that earlier. It makes her super happy. It seems to be in her DNA. Liz also realizes she loves to be creative. This was NOT encouraged at home at all. She is surprised to notice how natural this comes to her during shelter in place: she comes up with all kinds of lessons, took up drawing, and is learning to play guitar.

She didn’t do lots of creative activities with her kids and blames this on growing up hearing she wasn’t creative. Her older brother and sisters mocked her which made her not touch her art supplies.

Liz on her life so far

At this time, Liz feels great about what she’s doing. What she has done so far may not have been what she thought she’d be doing, but it gives her a lot of satisfaction. Her husband has given her a lot of support and credit, and has always said that thanks to her, he can do what he does. They both have done their best doing their part; this may be very traditional and not exciting but for them it worked, and she feels this was a great choice. She has no regrets spending so much time with her children.

Liz’s advice for others in this stage of life

The older you get, the more you realize how important it is to do the things you love rather than the things you learned for or that what gives you a certain status. Liz has always said it’s important for her to work with people, but she would have never thought that working with people with disabilities would make her so incredibly happy. 

Be open for lots of things, and keep in mind the things you liked to do as a child. Liz feels that is very important because at that point you were still pure and not influenced by parents, school, and other expectations all kinds of people have of you. You know what you like! What you loved as a child tells a lot about you as a person; you probably know that deep down but tend to forget that with the passing of time. Dig it up again, and go do (or keep doing) the things you love!