How I know Becky:

Becky’s son Erik joined Angels on Stage as an Angel the same year I joined Angels on Stage as a staff member (in 2014). The following year, Becky became a staff member too. We’ve been working together for almost 8 years now, have been to musicals together, and even took a trip to New York City with 4 other staff members, where we attended a theatre teacher workshop and several Broadway shows. Becky and I were both born in 1969, just on opposite sides of the world.

Becky growing up: from California to Oklahoma

Becky was born in Ventura in 1969, where she lived until she was 14. In 1983 Becky, her parents and her siblings moved to Oklahoma, which was hard because their whole family lived in California and they didn’t know anyone in Oklahoma. They moved around a lot: Becky’s dad is a respiratory therapist and jobs kept changing because hospitals in small towns would close and they’d have to move on. Becky went to 3 different high schools: a different school every year. She didn’t have a lot of friends in high school because of all their moves. Becky doesn’t have the high school memories most people in the United States have: she never went to prom. She did a lot of band and chorus stuff but she didn’t get to build strong friendships because she hadn’t been with those kids since kindergarten like they had been with each other. Her strong relationships are left from church and college. Becky was born and raised Mormon and left the church when she was 27.

Becky’s college years and mission

After high school, Becky went to BYU Idaho. She finished her AA degree in professional preschool education, then went back to Oklahoma to work. She waited tables, worked in childcare, nannied, and did lots of other jobs to earn money. Becky was still very active in the Mormon church. At 21 she wasn’t married and thus the church sent her to Guatemala on a mission to convert people there to the Mormon church. “Sister Maguire” (or “Hermana Maguire”) was in Guatemala for 2 years and went back and forth after that. She worked as an interpreter back in Oklahoma in the Oklahoma City Courts system, for a place called Language Associates where she was the office manager but also the emergency interpreter. She wasn’t certified and couldn’t interpret in court, but she did all the doctor’s appointments in Spanish.

Traveling and working

Becky spent her twenties traveling around and working, which is not typical for a Mormon girl. (Most get married when they’re 19 or 20 and have babies). Becky stuck out. She lived in Las Vegas for a while, waiting tables at Ceasar’s Palace at night and working at a childcare center during daytime. She traveled to Utah, Idaho, and occasionally Guatemala. She moved to Utah with her best friend. She had been active in church with him for a long time, he as the pianist and Becky as a chorister. One day her friend told her he was going to come out of the closet and tell the Bishop he was gay. Becky saw him being walked out of the church; she thought that was not very Christ-like, and walked out right behind him. She has not been back ever since. 

Becky had doubts about moving to Utah initially as it is Mormon territory. However because they didn’t start going to church there no one knew them and they didn’t bother them. They lived in Salt Lake City and skied every weekend. Becky worked as house manager in a place that served adults with disabilities. She had been singing with Sweet Adelines in Oklahoma since she was 17 and transferred to the chorus in Salt Lake City.

Back in California

During her time in Utah, Becky was shocked to find an ex-Mormon chatroom on the internet. She met her ex-Mormon, returned missionary boyfriend there: they had a lot in common. After a year in Utah, Becky moved in with her boyfriend in Half Moon Bay, California where they lived together for 10 years. Becky walked away from him when she found out he had been cheating on her with his ex-wife. She raised his kids and loved them, but hasn’t seen or spoken to them since.

Becky moved to San Mateo where she rented a room from an old lady. While living there, she met her now-husband Mike. She worked for Stanford Arboretum Childcare Center for 10 years, and left when they were bought out by a corporate childcare center. Becky didn’t like their approach of expecting children to fit into a box and telling teachers what to teach so she started looking for something else and found PACCC (Palo Alto Community Child Care). She worked in childcare from her move to California until 2021. Once she made the move to PACCC, they offered to pay for her BA degree. She earned her BA in Child Development, after which she went on to get her Master’s in Human Development, also paid for by PACCC. Becky was there for 18 years. She earned her Master’s degree when her son Erik was 5, then had time to join the Angels on Stage staff and practice her musical theatre hobby along with her child.

Becky started a new job at CCO (California Community Opportunities) in January 2021. It was a complete change of pace for her, but she likes it. The beginning was hard for Becky because she wasn’t used to needing someone to hold her hand to do things – she had known what she was doing for 30 years. Becky loves the fact that she now only has a 15-20 minute commute instead of an hour and a half each way. She probably would have stayed with PACCC if it wasn’t for Covid, which made the center suffer financially. Now she enjoys working with adults with disabilities in an environment where the focus is on creating a purposeful life for all. It is very different, but she loves it, and she still gets to teach once a week in “CommU”.

Becky becoming a mom

Becky was 35 when she got married to Mike, who was 39. They immediately started trying to get a child. She had 6 miscarriages and did IUI. You have 6 chances. She got pregnant with Erik on the 6th and last chance. They were also on the path of fostering to adopt. She was told she was going to loose Erik too; luckily her pregnancy went fine until about 3 weeks before his due date when she was induced. The doctor referred to her as “geriatric mother” because she turned 40 a few days before. Definitely not something you want to hear while you’re in labor! 

Delivery was stressful: they lost Erik’s heartbeat, went back and forth to the OR and ended up performing a C section. The doctor said Erik was the biggest baby he had ever seen in his life: he was 24 inches long and weighed almost 11 pounds. These days he’s one of the shortest kids in his class. 

Erik couldn’t regulate his breathing so they took him to the NICU. Becky and Mike didn’t even see him. Becky was taken back to her room to recover. The hospital staff wouldn’t bring Erik to her room: she was told she had to prove she could walk there. She couldn’t get up – she had just had a C-section! Mike was bringing her pictures on his digital camera. On the third morning she was done: she cried and screamed to see her baby. They finally brought him to her. He was wearing a super short tank top: at 11 pounds he definitely didn’t fit newborn clothes!

After a few days home with her baby, Becky couldn’t breathe. She went to the hospital but initially was dismissed. She called her dad, a respiratory therapist, who told the ER doctor to run a CAT scan. Luckily the doctor listened: it turned out she had 5 blood clots in her lungs, and she was on blood thinners for 3 years. 

Miracle baby with special needs

Erik is Becky and Mike’s miracle baby. He seemed to be a neurotypical baby for the most part but he never rolled over, never crawled, never pulled up, didn’t bounce, and was very “flappy”. He had benign muscle hypotonia, which lots of kids with Down syndrome have as well. Erik didn’t walk until he was 3 but he started talking when he was 9 months old. His first word was “awesome” (after Becky had hung a piece of art on the wall). At that point Becky realized something was up. She knew something wasn’t connecting, wasn’t right. At 13-14 months he could read (not memorized) which was incredibly shocking to Becky! At his 18 months checkup, when Erik wasn’t even walking yet, the doctor asked him what his favorite color was and he said “chartreuse”. His other favorite color: “magenta”. The doctor said she had never had a kid who said that but did not think something was up. Finally at 3 years old she referred them to a neurologist. Doctors were so impressed with Erik’s verbal skills that they always thought he was fine. They never received services because of this. Erik knows how to cover up his disability. He is twelve right now, and I love working with him at Angels on Stage!

What Becky wishes she’d known earlier

Becky wishes she had known earlier it’s OK to not be married and start having babies at 20 years old. She couldn’t do that because she was “fat and not pretty”. Becky wishes she had known then what she knows now. She put herself through so much torture and sleepless nights. She was horrible to herself because she wasn’t the perfect Mormon girl. At the same time, Becky’s mission was amazing, she learned to speak Spanish, and she doesn’t regret one minute of that. Plus the relationships she built at BYU are amazing. To this day these roommates are still super close.

Becky’s advice for people approaching 50

As someone who got her Bachelor’s at 36 and her Master’s at 45, Becky believes you’re never too old to keep learning. If you didn’t get your degree in your twenties because you started a family or started working, go back and get it. You’re never too old to start a new career! Or to start a new project. If you have a passion for it, do it. Becky would never have thought that at 45 she would do theatre for kids (at Angels on Stage), but she loves it so much. You just have to do it. If your heart is calling you to do it, go do it. No matter what it is. Follow your heart. A lot of times we talk ourselves out of things – I don’t have time, it costs money… 

Becky is always up for an adventure, for making memories! It doesn’t matter how much money you have: money is not going to buy you memories. Becky, Mike and Erik just get in their car and go see where they end up. They discover lots of places doing just that. 

Becky is always looking for things they can do for free or what she can trade. She thinks a lot of people get stuck on “that costs a lot of money”, but most likely you can find things to barter! Everybody has a trade, you just have to figure it out. Becky has worked in a store for 2 weeks because she wanted to buy something in that store. This gave her a ton of experience, just because there was something she wanted or needed. 

Finish your degrees! Everything is online right now! Always figure out what you can do. We all have experience we never tap into. Weigh it all out. Becky wanted voice lessons, saw an add in the paper in Oklahoma and joined Sweet Adelines. Everyone was welcome. The amount of music education in one rehearsal was awesome. She learned so much just singing with them. Becky started at 17, dropped for college, then rejoined in Utah and later California. She always comes back to them because they were so welcoming.

Becky thinks it’s OK to be a little crazy. We all need to be a little crazy. Mike says that’s what keeps him married to her: “what will she do next, that little crazy one?”

Relationships require work on both parts; Becky values her friendships so much that she’s always looking for ways to get together and do something. The pandemic has been terrible but group chats, parades and parking lot get togethers have helped. Foster relationships: organize fun experiences and make memories together. Ask yourself: what can we do that’s silly, that will make us laugh. Have adventures and make memories!