How I know Nicole:

I met Nicole a few times at Angels on Stage (the theatre troupe for kids and young adults with disabilities I work for) and CCO (California Community Opportunities, an organization which renews the lives of adults with disabilities through authentic teaching in their homes and communities – I teach a music class and a musical theater class there). Nicole’s son, Said, has been with Angels on Stage since the organization started in 2008, and he has been living in the CCO extended family teaching model for a few years now. While we’ve had some short conversations since I joined AoS in 2014, it wasn’t until recently that I got to know her a little bit better through a ‘hard conversation’ about race. During that conversation I learned that Nicole, too, is in her (early!) fifties. She agreed to do a more formal interview, and I’m excited to share her story with you today!

Nicole’s teens and early twenties

Nicole was born and raised in New York City. She lived in New York with her mom and brother until she was 19. At that time she moved to California for love: her high school sweetheart was going to Cal Berkeley. They had been long distance dating for 3 years while Nicole was attending Brooklyn College in New York, and she thought it was time to be closer. Six months after she moved to California, they broke up. 

After the breakup Nicole moved to San Jose and met someone else; by the end of that year she was pregnant. At 20 she found herself alone, a single mother, with a minimum wage job. Her mom and grandma were super happy when she was pregnant and thought she’d move back to New York. When that didn’t happen, her grandma, at 68, picked up everything and moved to California to live with Nicole. Once her son, Said (named after her grandma, Saidah) was born, Nicole enrolled in San Jose State University, and was supported by her grandma. 

Nicole majored in African American studies and wanted to be a special education teacher. Back in New York she had done an internship with the Young Adult Institute, of which the clients were primarily people with cognitive disabilities. It was there that she fell in love with this community.

The birth of a special needs mom

When Said was born and she discovered he had Downs syndrome, it was helpful that she had worked with these individuals because she knew he could live on his own, be in relationships, and learn beyond what people thought he’d be able to learn. She was well equipped to take on Said and expose him to opportunities. There was the initial disappointment about her child having a disability, but she gave herself one day to mourn, and once she “got over herself” she focused on “what’s next”. 

Her doctor gave her different names of resources, one of which was AIM: Atypical Infant Motivation program. The program is all about stimulating the child; they helped teach Nicole how to be a good parent to Said. Aside from his developmental delays, he also didn’t have any muscle tension. AIM teachers showed her how to help him sit up, how to help him roll, etc. Between 6-12 months a teacher came to the house; after that her grandmother would take Said to the class and she loved helping him learn and develop. 

A year before Nicole graduated from San Jose State University, sadly her grandmother passed away from cancer. “Something happens when your parent figure dies and then all of a sudden you have to be an adult. You have to. There’s no cushion behind you.” So she did, and she handled it, even though not always perfectly.

Nicole feels that Said has been such a blessing. If she didn’t have Said, she wouldn’t have met all these amazing people at Angels on Stage and CAA, her other son wouldn’t have his best friend… All these things came from this one person: Said. 

Nicole’s early career and further education

After Nicole graduated she got a job. She wanted to continue her studies and be a teacher but she found out you had to do student teaching for a year full-time without pay (which I believe is still the case). She couldn’t do that so she got a job at a nonprofit, Bay Area Multimedia Technology Associates – basically a tech incubator. Founders of tech startups were able to get an office, equipment and people on staff were available to mentor these founders. It was a great organization but unfortunately they ran out of funding so everyone got laid off after 2 years. 

She then went to Palm, which at that time was US Robotics. She rode that wave for 7 years. She found it great to be at Palm: the first personal digital device (remember the Palm Pilot?). She learned a lot about being in a corporate environment there. During her time at Palm, she married her first husband. She took the CBEST (a test you need to take to become a teacher) and had the chance to go back to school if she wanted, but made the conscious decision to stay in business because she was really enjoying it. In any role she had, she always incorporated some form of being an educator though.

Nicole and her first husband had two kids. In 2003 they separated. Around the same time Nicole switched from Palm to PayPal and decided to get her MBA. Having 3 kids now she didn’t have the luxury to go into a classroom so she did it online at University of Phoenix. She feels like all the kids doing distant learning now are standing on her shoulders. A lot of what they’re doing now for distant learning she did then. She had classmates from all over the world. For 2 years, while she studied for her degree, her schedule was put the kids to bed, sign in at 9 PM, go to bed at 1 AM, then get up, get the kids ready for school and go to work. It was crazy but she did it!

The hardest thing of her life

You’d think having 3 kids, working full-time and getting her MBA would be hard enough.. But Nicole decided to push herself a little bit more. In 2004 she started dating Stephen, who participated in a triathlon through Team In Training in 2005. This inspired her to do it the following year, 2006. She didn’t know how to swim, hadn’t ridden a bicycle since she was 10 and found out when she did the running part that she had exercise-induced asthma.

At some point during her training she did a practice triathlon at Stevens Creek reservoir. The water was pitch black, she couldn’t see anything under water. She was super nervous, started swimming and had a panic attack. Nicole called out her friend’s name, who stayed with her through the entire swim. She eventually finished the swim but was exhausted from the panic attack. Her coach and family were cheering her on through it all; she made it out of the water and got on her bike. Riding up a super steep hill, she was debating whether she should get off her bike and walk the rest of the way up. Then someone passed her, and she saw he had only one leg. Nicole felt that was a clear sign from God to stop being lazy and keep pushing. She feels this was the hardest thing of her life.

Nicole completed the training and did the triathlon in Maui. It was great, she was in the warm salty waters at Maui, looked down and saw a turtle during her swim. All in all, it was a great experience, made even more special by her now-husband Stephen proposing to her after the race!

Nicole in her late forties and early fifties

After 13 years at PayPal, Nicole went to eBay in 2017. When she was laid off after a year, she went to Indeed. She didn’t like the work environment there so she left and went to Carta (equity management software) which she got laid off from this year because of Covid. She now has a new job at Facebook, working on the Instagram Interest design team. Her profession is Design Program Management, also known as Design Operations. Recently she spoke at a a design summit for financial technology companies about design operations and why they should have it at their company. 

During shelter-in-place, Nicole picked up a new hobby – playing piano. Her youngest daughter had started to learn it but got tired of it quickly. Then Nicole started doing it herself and discovered she really loves it. She started thinking, if I get good at this, what do I do with it? Is it just for my entertainment? And she decided yes, it’s just for her own entertainment. 

Nicole’s side job

Nicole was on the Board of College of Adaptive Arts  (CAA) in the Bay Area for two years, and has been has been teaching a public speaking class there since 2011. This resulted from her being involved in Toastmasters at PayPal (she helped start the PayPal Toastmasters club) and having to do a project teaching kids about public speaking. She had 6-10 students in the first class and has been doing it ever since. Any time she changes jobs, the key indicator for her is when she tells them that she teaches at CAA once a week and starts to get ready for class at 3:00 – if they don’t approve of it, she doesn’t approve of them.

One of the reasons she loves her class at CAA so much is because Said has shown her that people with disabilities are often not heard. They’re often dismissed, they’re often overlooked because maybe they have a serious speech impediment and you can’t really understand them. Or they can’t fully process their thoughts enough to communicate them. But Nicole knew from raising Said that it’s very possible for them to learn and build on those skills. So when she has a student who starts off very shy and not able to articulate themselves very well from the beginning, and years later they get up, they volunteer and they’re able to express themselves… “That’s just the best thing in the world.” 

What Nicole wishes she’d known earlier

In retrospect, Nicole wishes she had understood her own strength and power. She credits her mother and her grandmother (and her father) for everything she is today – the good and the bad. They taught her how to be strong and how to seek knowledge. Her grandmother gave her a lot of her spiritual side. If she could go back in time, she would tell her 17 yr old self as she graduated from high school: falling in love is fine, but make sure you fall in love with you and take care of you, and focus on what you love. You don’t have to be validated by some other person, whether that’s a man or any other person. 

Nicole’s advice for others in this stage of life

As you enter your fifties, you’re not over the hill. Keep a youthful mind and a youthful approach to life. Nicole’s uncle Vinnie turns 98 in September; he is her role model. He’s a fun guy who always has a youthful approach to life. She tells him he is who she wants to be if she’s blessed to get to 98.

Nicole still has a lot of hope for the future. She still sees new things ahead; ways to put all the knowledge that she gained to use. Much like learning to play the piano, there are still so many things that she doesn’t know that she can discover and be. 

Nicole loves learning and is constantly reading and listening to things and trying new things. “You’re always gonna be crappy in the beginning. There are a few exceptions of people who are just born with some skill. Most people when they start learning a new skill are terrible. But if you push through and get past that terrible part and you have the basics down and you start building on those basics, you get better at it and you ultimately get really good at it if you keep on with it.” 

As an example she tells me that she used to be a terrible communicator with a very soft voice. It took her a long time to find her voice: there was some knowledge that she didn’t possess about how to make herself heard. Toastmasters was that bridge to help her learn that. Go find that bridge for you!

And: Get out there and vote in November!! 

Afterword: A plug for Angels on Stage, the theatre troupe for kids and young adults with special needs I work for

Nicole was on an email group for parents of kids with Down syndrome (SVDSN: Silicon Valley Down Syndrome Network), where she heard about Angels on Stage getting started. She was already putting Said in all kinds of stuff (Special Olympics, surfing for disabled kids, etc), so she thought yeah, let’s get him signed up for that. She went there on audition day in 2008 and signed him up. He was the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz, AoS’s very first production. That’s where she met all the really wonderful people that Said has grown up with – they created a community together. 

Nicole’s first impression of AoS: she thought it was great. As much chaos as there may have been behind the scene, she couldn’t tell. The staff all looked like they knew what they were doing and she just trusted them with her child. In subsequent years she volunteered; when the buddy coach program started she was with that for a while and got her middle two kids involved at 9 and 8. That’s how her son Julian met his best friend Seth, and they’ve been super close ever since. “They are brothers and we are family.” Her younger daughter (born when AoS just started) is now part of the buddy program too.

Overall being a part of the AoS community has been great. Nicole loves it when the Angels are able to express themselves and show the world that they are more than what people think they are. When they’re dancing or learning their lines or singing, or just being brave enough to be out there. The act of showing up and participating is huge because you’re learning things that you’re able to use in your life.

Another thing Nicole loves so much about AoS is the growth. It’s not the final performance that is the joy (although it absolutely is joyful): it is that journey that you take as a volunteer or teacher or staff and you see those students who maybe never wanted to get on stage, they finally actually get out there.. Getting to know the Angels, understanding their challenges and seeing how they overcame them is incredibly rewarding.

The AoS community has a huge impact! Prior to AoS Said didn’t really have friends he could socialize with. Even though he is mostly a loner, being part of a greater community is awesome for him. And now every time he sees a microphone he wants to grab it. He still likes to perform but he’s also very interested in other areas of the theater, like costumes and directing.